I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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