Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
