I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
