Only a mothe r could love this liver
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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