I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
