you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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