Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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