I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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