i need an iv and a liver transplant
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
