hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
