I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
