it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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