dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
