I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
