Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i dont even know how to be here
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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