Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?