I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.