umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.