Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA

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  (650): we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA http://tfl.nu/902z
  Replies (36) Good night (3000) Bad night (920)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me

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  (630): I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me http://tfl.nu/tgvp
  Replies (15) Good night (5031) Bad night (557)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1501) Bad night (19578)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?

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  (973): Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet? http://tfl.nu/xg0z
  Replies (11) Good night (4997) Bad night (1041)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

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  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (4225) Bad night (1454)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.

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  (+44): I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this. http://tfl.nu/p3jk
  Replies (3) Good night (829) Bad night (2345)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

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  (937): I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality? http://tfl.nu/z0do
  Replies (11) Good night (2755) Bad night (802)
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  (510): View more from California

  In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...

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  (510): In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going... http://tfl.nu/8b0c
  Replies (9) Good night (5122) Bad night (825)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.

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  (703): From russia with love. But also with chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/1l8f
  Replies (5) Good night (628) Bad night (2150)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

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  (352): All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive." http://tfl.nu/krpq
  Replies (10) Good night (1994) Bad night (844)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.

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  (402): Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/ippi
  Replies (5) Good night (1618) Bad night (470)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me

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  (781): Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me http://tfl.nu/17em
  Replies (1) Good night (1258) Bad night (343)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.

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  (816): I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week. (1-816): I think we all know your liver needs a man's name. http://tfl.nu/bufv
  Replies (7) Good night (994) Bad night (299)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school

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  (414): i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school http://tfl.nu/pd3u
  Replies (3) Good night (1059) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.

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  (218): Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning. http://tfl.nu/ybgs
  Replies (3) Good night (262) Bad night (789)

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