Is it because I queefed?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.