So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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