i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
