Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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