i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
