bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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