The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
