it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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