i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
