hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
