i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
