So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
