I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
