saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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