I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
