so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
