I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
