alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
