I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
