Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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