Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
