I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
