I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
