Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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