I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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