He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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