And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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