R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
