Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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