one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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