when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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