you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
