I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
