I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
