i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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