Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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