Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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