Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
