Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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