Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
