My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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