Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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