yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
