Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
