What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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