New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
