those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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